I've managed to weather another round. Much to my surprise. I went into this one thinking depressing thoughts. I mean, how much more of this can my body take? Well, I am gambling on more because my intention is to continue on the same path.
I think I finally have the hang of it after seven rounds. If I get a little something in my stomach just before they load me up with steroids and benadryl, I fidget for the following couple of hours and then exhaustion takes over. If I am coherent enough to ask for more benadryl during the evening I will sleep through the night.
The rub is I am never coherent enough to ask for the benadryl again and the night drags on. The constant assessments and readings and changes in drug delivery make for a long, long night. I always plan for it to be different, but need to be more explicit with my needs BEFORE I take even the first of the pre-meds.
Mostly I am just trying to document the process, but also I am trying to remind myself of what I need to do. I have it written down and I have it in my head but I often forget, hoping that each round will be better than the last.
On the other side of chemo I have the usual nausea, aches, pains and fatigue and this time I had the unfortunate luck to also get a good, old cold. C, M and I all suffered through the long weekend. I have to say that it was nice having their company for the weekend, but it is always hard watching your children suffer. I would gladly take on their woes, but I know I would not be doing them any favors. So, C stayed home from school on Friday, coughed and sneezed the day away - and away from me. I couldn't take the chance on getting more of his germs! Saturday was my day to just suffer alone. I played on-line mahjong and read the end of a good book. And I napped - often. Sunday was M's day to sit with me. She studied, we watched a good movie - The Painted Veil - and she napped.
So I have survived another round of carbo/taxol. I hope that I am close to the end of this stuff. I hate this cancer. I hate the chemotherapy, but I do love being alive. When the bad days end, I can be happy with what I have. And what I have is another day, another sunrise, another smile from my guys. I think I can weather that storm....