My usual transition through chemo day one and beyond means I am feeling sick - nauseous, bone-achy, bone-tired, headachy, and not up for much but keeping to myself, in my bed. In ten (or so) days time I wake up again feeling like my old (and I do mean old) self. But this round has gone rather well for me and I feel like sharing it.
I did two things differently this time. I had a reiki treatment right after chemo. I don't know how it is supposed to work or why it works, but it does. I walked away feeling really good from the movement of energy. I had a nuelasta shot later that afternoon, followed by acupuncture and more energy work on Friday.
The other thing I did was to really give myself a wide berth in the food department. When I don't feel well, I will eat potatoes and corn and not beat myself up too much for going off the diet. This time, I told Richie that I just needed calories and what I really wanted was peppermint ice cream. And that's what I had on Friday night. It was devine. I love that stuff. Reminds me of Velvet Freeze and childhood and of true indulgence.
So, I am feeling good, slowly crawling my way out of this latest, longest depression I have been in. I feel strong enough to try for that walk tomorrow. I feel happy enough to join the living again. Thanks for the meals, the prayers and the good energy coming my way......
Monday, October 11, 2010
Had a great weekend away with Richie. I went with him to Birmingham, AL to the Barber Festival. It was wonderful to ride around with him on this little 160cc Honda. We both had such big smiles on our faces. I was able to meet so many people that have become important to him in the world of vintage motorcycles. And they all love him. Makes a gal proud, but not surprised. He is such a wonderful man. I am thankful for him, and all his family and friends. And for all they do for us...
The biggest surprise of the weekend was an unexpected visit from my brother and sister! They were only two hours away and made the trip down for a short period of time. But we had a great visit and took a quick trip out to the motorcycle fest. They got to give Richie a squeeze and take their own trip around the museum grounds on the honda. There were lots of smiles and hugs all the way around.
I had my usual amount of energy (low) and spent time reading in our room at the hotel when I wasn’t out at the track, but I loved being away from home with just Rich for the weekend. I love our house and the home we have made here, but I spend a lot of time just being inside these four walls. I am not complaining and I really don’t want it to be any other way right now, but the weekend was a great reminder that there is a world out there that I still want to rejoin and I need to keep my dancing shoes on - just in case.
I really missed the kiddos. I feel very selfish about my time with them. I am not being negative when I say this, but I have no idea what my future holds and I want as much time with them as their teen age lives will allow. But it was also very good for them to have me gone for the weekend. They need to stand on their own (even though their wonderful cousin was here with them) and they need a break from cancer every now and then. We all need the break and this past weekend was really just that!
Our entire weekend was uneventful, which is always welcome. I left town feeling a bit nervous - the ‘what ifs’ sounding loudly in my head. To have made the trip and not had problems gives me hope. Our homecoming was good - it’s always good when your children are happy to see you - and they were!!
Recovering from the weekend has been my primary goal today - and I was lucky enough to have lunch today with three of my wonderful girlfriends. We talked all about the things we needed to catch up on with each other and very little about the cancer. I like it when things work out that way. I am weary of the cancer story. I don’t mind answering direct questions, but certainly there are more interesting subjects than the %^&$#!! cancer.
I am scheduled for my next chemo tomorrow and that will be number five for this round. I don’t know how many more she will prescribe, but I feel like I can handle a few more. Richie and I will meet with her sometime in the next few weeks to determine how we will move forward. There is the question of the tumor on my bladder to consider and what sorts of therapies are available to me as we move forward. I know that there are still many in the arsenal, but not all are available to me, and I would like some information and time to prepare for any plans Dr. C thinks we need to make.
A cancer blogger friend has decided to enter hospice. A sobering day. I am lucky to still be alive, I am determined to keep fighting. She has been an inspiration to me, strong, sassy and full of hope.
My latest mantra is 'I am holding my own.' I am not getting any worse and I feel pretty stable. The fatigue is pretty constant which makes the meals that much more wonderful. It’s so good to have a home cooked meal at the end of the day. Your generosity (you know who you are!) is soooooo appreciated. We feel your love and good energy every day. I know the prayers are working, keep ‘em up, please?!
Love and hugs,