I am at the VitC clinic for my second transfusion this week. This has been a busy week; I am working hard at my job fighting this cancer. This is week three of cycle six. A week off. Such a relief. I am very tired, the chemo is really adding up in my system. I had a rough go of it during course five. I was having lots of nausea and vomiting on day three. I haven’t had much in the way of vomiting since I started chemo two years ago. I know that is lucky, but this episode was scary and painful. When the time came for the sixth course, I was terribly anxious about a repeat. I did not have a similar bout of being physically ill and I am very thankful for that.
On Monday, I had a CTscan and then on Wednesday I had a physical exam. The results for both are very positive. The CTscan didn’t show any cancer and she wasn’t able to feel any nodules or growth on the physical exam. My CA125 was elevated a bit, from 11 to 17. My oncologist didn’t find that worrisome at all. So much good news to take in!
I will need to continue the chemotherapy regimen for the next three months. I would rather stop, but remission seems close, it feels close and I would so much like for it to happen. It seems I have come so far that to stop now would be idiocy. The flip side is that it might not help me at all, but I just have to take the chance that I might benefit from more chemotherapy.
I remember hearing a story about a cancer patient whose omentum (in the abdomen, it holds all your stuff together!) had cancer on it that looked like mold, like spores. If there is just one tiny cell, one single seed of that cancer still in me, it is worth it to try and zap it with the chemo. If it comes back, it won’t be pretty. I hate the chemo, but feel like it is what is keeping the cancer at bay. I won’t know when to stop, hope the doc will know and in the meantime will continue to do whatever I can to stay alive. It’s not only the cancer but also the treatment that keeps me in this viscous cycle.
I have not felt this optimistic in a long, long time, but I am tired. Very tired. We are all a bit tired at our house, a mixture of the cold we are all experiencing and dealing with the stress of this mess. But we are planning a trip to the mountains for skiing over Spring Break. I am looking forward to spending some time with just Rich, M and C. As they get older, they naturally are looking more to their peers and we see a little less of them. I try not to be too selfish about time with them, but I am selfish. I want to be with them as much as possible and it seems we have to take them away to get their full attention. I think a ski trip will be fun and no reason to keep putting it off till later, till someday. We are going to live the life we have in front of us right now.
I hope Spring hits us early here in the central states! I could use a little more sunshine. And hope for the same for you all.
Maggie
